You Dont Need No Teef to Eat My Beef Festival

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Andrew: Nosotros're all pretty bizarre. Some of u.s. are just ameliorate at hiding it, that's all.

[final lines]

Brian Johnson: [closing narration] Dear Mr. Vernon, we take the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we call up y'all're crazy to brand us write an essay telling you lot who we recollect we are. Y'all encounter us every bit you want to meet united states of america - in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of u.s.a. is a brain...

Andrew Clark: ...and an athlete...

Allison Reynolds: ...and a handbasket case...

Claire Standish: ...a princess...

John Bender: ...and a criminal.

Brian Johnson: Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Order.

Andrew: What do y'all demand a imitation I.D. for?

Brian: And then I can vote.

John Bender: [Imitating his Begetter] Stupid, worthless, no proficient, goddamn, freeloading son of a bitch. Retarded, big rima oris, know-it-all, asshole, wiggle.

[Imitating his Mother]

John Bough: You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful.

[Begetter'south voice]

John Bender: Shut up bowwow! Get gear up me a turkey pot pie.

[His own voice]

John Bender: No dad, what virtually you?

[Father'south phonation]

John Bender: Fuck you.

[His own vocalism]

John Bough: No dad, what nearly y'all?

[Begetter's vocalism]

John Bender: Fuck you.

[His ain voice]

John Bough: Dad, what about you?

[Father's voice]

John Bender: Fuck yous!

[Pantomimes getting punched in the face up]

Brian Johnson: Is that for real?

John Bough: You wanna come over former?

John Bender: Screws fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect identify.

[Claire is doing Allison's make-up]

Claire: You know, you look a lot improve without all that black shit under your eyes.

Allison Reynolds: Hey, I like all that black shit... Why are yous being so nice to me?

Claire: Because you're letting me.

Andrew: I taped Larry Lester'southward buns together.

Brian Johnson: That was yous?

Andrew: Yeah, you know him?

Brian Johnson: Yeah, I know him.

Andrew: Well, then yous know how hairy he is. And when they pulled the tape off, most of his hair came off and some - some skin, besides.

Claire Standish: Oh my God.

Andrew: And the bizarre thing is that I did information technology for my old human. I tortured this poor kid because I wanted him to think that I was cool. He's always going off about how when he was in schoolhouse and all the wild things he used to exercise. And I got the feeling that he was disappointed that I never cut loose on anyone, right? So I'm sitting in the locker room and I'm taping up my knee, and Larry'southward undressing a couple lockers down from me. And he's kinda, he's kinda skinny. Weak. And I started thinkin' about my father, and his attitude about, about weakness. And the next thing I knew, I jumped on top of him and started whaling on him. And my friends, they just laughed and cheered me on. And afterwards, when I'm sitting in Vernon's office, all I could call back about was Larry's father and Larry having to become home and explain what happened to him. And the humiliation - the fucking humiliation he must have felt. It must have been unreal. I mean, how... how exercise you repent for something like that? At that place'due south no way. It'due south all because of me and my onetime homo. God, I fucking hate him. He's like this mindless machine that I can't fifty-fifty relate to anymore.

[crying, imitating his father]

Andrew: 'Andrew! Yous've got to be number one! I won't tolerate any losers in this family unit! Your intensity is for shit! Win! Win! Win!' You lot son of a bitch. Yous know, sometimes I wish my knee would requite. And I wouldn't be able to wrestle anymore. And he could forget all almost me.

Allison Reynolds: I'll do annihilation sexual. I don't demand a 1000000 dollars to do information technology either.

Claire Standish: You lot're lying.

Allison Reynolds: I already have. I've done but virtually everything in that location is except a few things that are illegal. I'yard a nymphomaniac.

Claire Standish: Lie.

Brian Johnson: Are your parents aware of this?

Allison Reynolds: The only person I told was my shrink.

Andrew Clark: And what did he exercise when you told him?

Allison Reynolds: He nailed me.

Claire Standish: Very squeamish.

Allison Reynolds: I don't think that from a legal standpoint what he did tin be construed equally rape, since I paid him.

Claire Standish: He's an adult.

Allison Reynolds: Yeah, he's married too.

Claire Standish: Do yous accept any idea how completely gross that is?

Allison Reynolds: Well, the kickoff few times...

Claire Standish: The commencement few times? You hateful yous did it more than once?

Allison Reynolds: Certain.

Claire Standish: Are you crazy?

Brian Johnson: Obviously she's crazy if she's screwing a shrink.

Allison Reynolds: Have y'all always done it?

Claire Standish: I don't fifty-fifty accept a psychiatrist.

Allison Reynolds: Have you lot ever done it with a normal person?

Claire Standish: Didn't we already cover this?

John Bough: You never answered the question.

Claire Standish: Look, I'k non going to discuss my private life with total strangers.

Allison Reynolds: It'south kind of a double edged sword isn't it?

Claire Standish: A what?

Allison Reynolds: Well, if you say you lot haven't, you're a prude. If y'all say you take yous're a slut. It'due south a trap. Yous want to but you can't, and when you do you wish you didn't, correct?

Claire Standish: Wrong.

Allison Reynolds: Or are y'all a tease?

Andrew Clark: She's a tease.

Claire Standish: I'chiliad sure. Why don't you just forget it.

Andrew Clark: Oh, you're a tease and yous know it. All girls are teases.

John Bender: She's only a tease if what she does gets you hot.

Claire Standish: I don't do anything.

Allison Reynolds: That's why yous're a tease.

Claire Standish: OK, let me ask you a few questions.

Allison Reynolds: I already told you everything.

Claire Standish: No. Doesn't it bother yous to slumber around without being in love. I mean, don't you lot want whatever respect?

Allison Reynolds: I don't spiral to get respect. That'southward the difference between you and me.

Claire Standish: It's not the simply departure I hope.

John Bough: Face it, you're a tease.

Claire Standish: I'm Not a tease.

John Bender: Sure yous are. Sexual activity is your weapon. You said it yourself. Y'all use it to get respect.

Claire Standish: No, I never said that she twisted my words around.

John Bender: What practise you apply it for then?

Claire Standish: I don't utilise information technology period.

John Bender: Oh, are you medically frigid or is it psychological?

Claire Standish: I didn't mean information technology that way. Yous guys are putting words into my mouth.

John Bender: Well, if you'd simply reply the question.

Brian Johnson: Why don't you only answer the question?

Andrew Clark: Exist honest.

John Bender: No big bargain.

Brian Johnson: Yeah answer it.

Andrew Clark: Answer the question, Claire.

John Bender: Talk to us. Every one: C'mon, answer the question. Come on. Answer it.

John Bender: C'monday, it's easy. It'due south only one question.

Claire Standish: NO I NEVER DID It.

Allison Reynolds: I never did it either. I'm not a nymphomaniac. I'one thousand a compulsive liar.

[first lines]

Brian Johnson: [opening narration immediately after the championship sequence] Saturday, March 24, 1984. Shermer High School, Shermer, Illinois, 60062. Honey Mr. Vernon, nosotros accept the fact that nosotros had to cede a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was nosotros did wrong. What we did *was* wrong. But nosotros think you're crazy to brand u.s.a. write an essay telling you who nosotros think nosotros are. What do y'all intendance? You see us as you want to see us - in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. You see us every bit a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Correct? That's the manner we saw each other at 7:00 this morning time. Nosotros were brainwashed.

John: Hey, how come up Andrew gets to get up? If he gets upwardly, nosotros'll all get upwards, it'll be anarchy.

John Bender: Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?

Claire Standish: You know why guys like you knock everything?

John Bough: Oh, this should exist stunning.

Claire Standish: It's because you're afraid.

John Bough: Oh God, you richies are so smart, that'southward exactly why I'm non heavy into activities.

Claire Standish: Y'all're a big coward.

Brian Johnson: I'm in the math social club.

Claire Standish: See, you're agape that they won't take you, y'all don't belong, so y'all accept to just dump all over it.

John Bender: Well, information technology wouldn't accept anything to exercise with you lot activities people being assholes, now would it?

Claire Standish: Well, you wouldn't know, you don't even know any of us.

John Bough: Well, I don't know whatsoever lepers either, but I'm non going to run out and join one of their fucking clubs.

Andrew Clark: Hey! Permit's spotter the oral cavity, huh?

Brian Johnson: I'm in the physics club besides.

John Bough: Excuse me a sec. What are you babbling about?

Brian Johnson: Well, what I had said was I'm in the math social club, uh, the Latin, and the physics social club... physics lodge.

John Bough: Hey, Cherry. Exercise you vest to the physics lodge?

Claire Standish: That's an academic club.

John Bough: So?

Claire Standish: So bookish clubs aren't the aforementioned as other kinds of clubs.

John Bender: Ah... but to dorks similar him, they are. What practise you lot guys practise in your society?

Brian Johnson: Well, in physics we... we talk almost physics, properties of physics.

John Bender: So it's sorta social, demented and sad, but social. Right?

John Bough: [after Claire performs her lipstick trick, claps sarcastically] Wow, Claire. That was groovy. My image of yous is totally blown.

Allison Reynolds: You're a shit. Don't do that to her, you lot swore to God you wouldn't laugh.

John Bender: Am I laughing?

Andrew Clark: [shouts angrily] Y'all fuckin' prick!

John Bender: What do y'all care what I call back anyway? I don't even count, right? I could disappear forever and it wouldn't make whatsoever deviation. I might also non even exist at this school, recollect?

[turns to Claire]

John Bender: And you lot... don't like me anyway.

Claire Standish: Y'all know, I take merely as, many feelings equally y'all do and information technology hurts and so much when someone steps all over them.

John Bender: God! You're so pathetic. Don't you always, *ever* compare yourself to me, okay. Y'all got everything, and I got shit. Fuckin' Rapunzel, correct? School would probably fuckin' shut down if you didn't show up. Queenie isn't here. I like those earrings, Claire.

Claire Standish: Shut up.

John Bender: Are those existent diamonds Claire?

Claire Standish: Shut up.

John Bough: I bet they are. Did you work for the coin for those earrings?

Claire Standish: Shut your mouth.

John Bender: Or did your daddy buy those for you?

Claire Standish: [shouts] Close UP!

John Bender: I'll bet he bought those for you. I bet those were a Christmas gift. Correct? Y'all know what I got for Christmas? Oh, it was a banner fucking year at the sometime Bough family unit. I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said, "Hey, smoke up Johnny." All right? So go dwelling house and weep to your Daddy. Don't weep here, okay?

Andrew Clark: My God, are nosotros gonna be similar our parents?

Claire Standish: Not me. Ever.

[Bender nods]

Richard Vernon: What if your home... what if your family unit... what if your *dope* was on fire?

John Bender: [truthfully] Impossible, sir. Information technology's in Johnson'southward underwear.

Bender: Call up how you said your parents use y'all to go back at each other?

Claire Standish: [nods]

Bender: Wouldn't I be OUTSTANDING in that capacity?

John Bender: YOU ARE A Bitch.

Claire Standish: Why? 'Cause I'm telling the truth, that makes me a bitch?

John Bough: NO. 'Cause you know how shitty that is to do someone, and you don't got the balls to stand up to your friends and tell them you're gonna like who you wanna like.

Andrew: Why do you lot have to insult everybody?

John Bough: I'm being honest, asshole. I would look y'all to know the difference.

Allison Reynolds: I don't have to run away and live in the street. I can run away and I tin can go to the ocean, I tin can go to the state, I tin become to the mountains. I could become to Israel, Africa, Afghanistan.

[Richard Vernon places magazine rack in front of door to concord it open up]

John Bender: That's very clever, sir. Merely what if there's a fire? I think violating burn down codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in your career, sir.

Bender: [running through the halls singing] I wanna be an airborne ranger / I wanna lead a life of danger / Before the day I die / There's five things I wanna ride / Cycle, tricycle, car / Virgin's mother and a ferris wheel...

Andrew: Speak for yourself.

Bender: Practise you call up I'd speak for y'all? I don't even know your language.

Andrew: Look, yous guys go along up your talking and Vernon'southward gonna come right in here. I got a meet this Saturday and I'm not gonna miss information technology on account of yous boneheads.

Bender: Oh, and wouldn't that exist a seize with teeth, huh? Missing a whole wrestling meet!

Andrew: You lot wouldn't know anything nigh it, faggot! You never competed in your whole life!

Bough: Oh, I know. I feel all empty inside because of it. I have such a deep admiration for guys who gyre around on the flooring with other guys.

Andrew: Ah, you lot'd never arrive. You don't take any goals.

Bender: Oh, but I do!

Andrew: Yes?

Bender: I wanna exist just... like... you. I effigy all I need is a lobotomy and some tights!

Brian: You wear tights?

Andrew: No, I don't article of clothing tights. I habiliment the required uniform.

Brian: Tights.

Andrew: [brusk pause] Shut upward!

John Bough: What're we having?

Brian Johnson: Uh, information technology's your standard, regular lunch I estimate...

[Bender reaches in the bag and pulls out a thermos. He sets it on the table and points at it]

John Bough: Milk?

Brian Johnson: Uh, soup.

John Bender: Ah.

[Bender goes in again and pulls out a juice box. Brian reaches toward the bag and Bender slaps his hand]

Brian Johnson: That's apple juice...

John Bender: I *can* read. Lead & J with the crusts cut off... Well, Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch. All the food groups are represented. Did your mom ally Mr. Rogers?

Brian Johnson: Uh, no, Mr. Johnson.

[to himself, crawling above some acoustic ceiling tiles]

Bough: Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle nether one arm, and a two-foot salami nether the other. The bartender says, I approximate you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says...

[the ceiling gives way]

Bender: Oh, *shit*.

Andrew: [after Claire has given Allison a makeover] What happened to yous?

Allison Reynolds: Why? Claire did it... What's wrong?

Andrew: Nothing's wrong... it'south just so unlike, y'all know? I can see your face.

Allison Reynolds: Is that good or bad?

Andrew: Information technology's expert.

Brian Johnson: [after Brian explains his F in store] Did y'all know without trigonometry, there'd be no engineering science?

Bough: Without lamps, there'd be no low-cal.

[Vernon catches Bender playing basketball in the gym]

Bender: Don't you want to hear my excuse?

Richard Vernon: Out.

Bender: I'm thinkin' of tryin' out for a scholarship.

[as Bough prepares to urinate under his desk]

Andrew Clark: Hey, you're non urinating in here, man.

John Bender: Don't talk. Don't talk. It makes it clamber support.

Claire Standish: Why didn't y'all want me to know that you lot are a virgin?

Brian Johnson: Because information technology's my business organisation - my personal business organization.

John Bender: Well, Brian, it doesn't sound like yous're doing whatsoever business.

Bough: You're kind of sexy when you're angry.

Claire Standish: [about her parents] I don't call back either one of them gives a shit about me. It's similar they use me just to get back at each other.

Allison Reynolds: [her commencement word of dialogue so far] Ha!

Claire Standish: [long break] Shut up!

Claire Standish: What would your friends say if we were walking down the hall together. They'd express joy their asses off and yous'd probably tell them you were doing information technology with me so they'd forgive you for being seen with me.

John Bender: Don't yous ever talk about my friends. Yous don't know any of my friends. Y'all don't look at any of my friends. And you certainly wouldn't condescend to speak to whatever of my friends. So you just stick to the things yous know: shopping, nail polish, your begetter's BMW, and your poor, rich drunk mother in the Caribbean.

Claire Standish: SHUT Up!

John Bough: And as far every bit being concerned most what's gonna happen when you and I walk down the hallways of schoolhouse together, you tin forget it cuz it's never gonna happen. Just bury your head in the sand and wait for your fuckin' prom.

Claire Standish: [Crying] I hate you!

John Bender: Yep? Skillful!

John Bender: My impression of life at Big Bri's business firm, "Son?" "Yeah, Dad?" "How was your day, son?" "Great, Dad. How's yours?" "Super. Say, how would similar to go fishing this weekend?" "Great, Dad. But I got homework to do." "That's okay, son. You tin can practise it on the gunkhole." "Gee." "Hon, isn't our son swell?" "Yes, dear. Isn't life swell?"

[kiss]

Claire Standish: Do you know how popular I am? I am so pop. Everybody loves me and then much at this school.

Bough: Poor infant.

Andrew: I said, leave her alone.

Bender: You gonna make me?

Andrew: Yeah.

Bough: Y'all and how many of your friends?

Andrew: Just me. Only you and me. Two hits. Me striking you. Y'all hitting the floor. Anytime yous're ready, pal.

Richard Vernon: [Andrew laughs at Bender'south backtalk] You think he's funny? You remember this is cute? Y'all think he's "bitchin," is that information technology? Let me tell you something. Look at him - he'due south a bum. You lot want to meet something funny? Y'all get visit John Bender in five years. You'll encounter how goddamned funny he is.

Bender: How does 1 become a janitor?

Carl: You wanna be a janitor?

Bender: No, I just want to know how one becomes a janitor. Because Andrew here is very interested in pursuing a career in the custodial arts.

Carl: Oh actually? You guys call back I'chiliad simply some untouchable peasant? Serf? Peon? Well, mayhap and so. Only post-obit a broom around later on shitheads like you for the last 8 years, I've learned a couple of things. I look through your letters. I look through your lockers. I listen to your conversations, you don't know that but I do. I am the optics and ears of this institution, my friends.

[Carl looks upward at the clock and looks at his watch]

Carl: Past the way, that clock's 20 minutes fast.

Claire Standish: What'due south your proper name?

John Bender: What's yours?

Claire Standish: Claire.

John Bender: Claire?

Claire Standish: Claire. It'south a family unit name.

John Bender: Oh, it'southward a fatty girl's name.

Claire Standish: Oh, give thanks you.

John Bender: You're welcome.

Claire Standish: I'm not fat.

John Bough: Well not at present, merely I tin can meet you really pushing maximum density. See I'm not sure if you know this, just in that location are two kinds of fat people: at that place's fatty people that were born to be fat, and there's fatty people that were one time thin but became fat... so when you look at 'em you tin can sorta run into that sparse person inside. You see, you're gonna get married, you're gonna squeeze out a few puppies and then, uh...

John Bough: Hey, homeboy, what exercise you say we shut that door, nosotros'll get the prom queen impregnated.

Richard Vernon: That'southward the concluding time, Bender. That the last time you ever make me look bad in front end of those kids, y'all hear me? I make $31,000 a yr and I have a domicile and I'm not about to throw it all away on some punk like you lot. But anytime when y'all're outta here and you've forgotten all about this place and they've forgotten all about you, and you're wrapped up in your own pathetic life, I'1000 gonna be there. That'southward right. And I'grand gonna kick the living shit out of you. I'm gonna knock your dick in the dirt.

Bender: Yous threatening me?

Richard Vernon: What are you gonna do about it? Y'all think anyone's gonna believe y'all? You retrieve anyone is gonna take your word over mine? I'm a man of respect effectually hither. They love me around here. I'm a swell guy. You're a lying sack of shit and everybody knows information technology. Oh, you're a tough guy. Hey c'mon. Get on your feet pal. Let's observe out how tough you are. I wanna know right now how tough you are.

[offers Bough his chin]

Richard Vernon: Merely take the showtime shot. I'g begging y'all, take a shot. Just i hit. Come up on, that's all I need, just one swing...

[Bough pauses, staring]

Richard Vernon: That's what I idea. You're a gutless turd.

[John Bender is absently vehement up books]

Andrew Clark: That's real intelligent.

John Bender: Y'all're right. Information technology's wrong to destroy literature. It's such fun to read. And

[examines title]

John Bender: Moe-Lay actually pumps my nads.

Claire Standish: Moliere.

Brian Johnson: I'm a fucking idiot considering I tin't make a lamp?

John Bough: No. Yous're a genius because y'all can't brand a lamp.

Andrew: Yous ask me one more than question and I'1000 beating the shit out of y'all.

Claire Standish: I detest information technology. I detest having to proceed with everything my friends say.

Richard Vernon: What did you lot wanna be when you were young?

Carl: When I was a kid, I wanted to be John Lennon.

Richard Vernon: Carl, don't be a goof. I'm making a serious point here.

Bender: You lot keep eating your hand and you're not gonna be hungry for luncheon...

John Bender: [to Vernon] Keep your fuckin' hands off me! I'd expect better manners from y'all, Dick.

Richard Vernon: You ought to spend a niggling more time trying to make something of yourself and a little less time trying to impress people.

Bender: [after putting his head betwixt Claire's legs under the table] It was an accident.

Claire Standish: You lot're an asshole.

Bough: Sue me.

Claire Standish: He's just doing information technology to get a ascension out of you. Just ignore him.

John Bender: Sweets. You couldn't ignore me if you tried. And then... so. Are y'all guys like beau-girlfriend? Steady dates? Lovers? Come on, sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot beef injection?

Claire Standish: Go to HELL.

Andrew: Plenty.

Richard Vernon: Hey. What's goin in there? Damn pricks.

Allison Reynolds: [afterwards Andrew says he would drive to school naked for one million dollars] I'd do that. I'll do anything sexual, and I don't demand a meg dollars to do information technology either. I'chiliad a nymphomaniac.

Richard Vernon: Yous think well-nigh this: when you go old, these kids - when *I* get onetime - they're going to exist running the state.

Carl: Yeah.

Richard Vernon: Now this is the thought that wakes me up in the center of the night. That when I get older, these kids are going to accept care of me.

Carl: I wouldn't count on information technology.

John Bender: [after Claire flips him off] Oh, obscene finger gestures from such a pristine daughter.

Richard Vernon: Well, well. Here we are. I desire to congratulate you for being on time.

Claire Standish: Alibi me, sir. I think at that place'south been a fault. I know it's detention, but I don't recollect I belong in here.

[Vernon ignores her and looks at his watch]

Richard Vernon: It is now 7:06. Y'all have exactly viii hours and 54 minutes to think well-nigh WHY you lot are here, to ponder the mistake of your ways.

[Bender spits out a wad of saliva in the air and catches with his mouth, prompting Claire to nearly exclaim in cloy, but Vernon stops her by pointing]

Richard Vernon: You may not talk.

[Brian tries to motility to the chair side by side to him on the table]

Richard Vernon: Y'all will not move from these seats.

[to Bender, who is relaxing his feet on a chair, but Vernon pulls it out from under Bender'due south anxiety]

Richard Vernon: And YOU... volition not sleep. All right, people, we're going to try something a little different, today. We are going to write an essay of no less than a thousand words describing to me who yous think you are.

[starts handing out sheets of paper]

John Bender: Is this a examination?

Richard Vernon: And when I say 'essay' I mean 'essay' I practice not mean a unmarried word repeated a thousand times. Is that clear, Mr. Bender?

Richard Vernon: Weep-Stal.

Richard Vernon: Skilful. Perchance you'll learn a little something nearly yourself. Maybe you'll decide, whether or non, you'd intendance to return.

Richard Vernon: Uh, yous know, I can answer that correct now, sir. That'd exist no... No from me, 'crusade...

John Bender: [contemptuously] Sit down, Johnson.

Brian Johnson: Give thanks y'all, sir.

Richard Vernon: My office is right across that hall. Whatsoever monkey business is ill-advised. Any questions?

John Bender: Yeah, I got a question. Does Barry Manilow know that yous raid his wardrobe?

Brian Johnson: I'll give you the respond to that question, Mr. Bender, next Saturday. Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns.

[exits the library]

Richard Vernon: That human... is a brownie-hound.

Andrew: Just me. Just you and me. Two hits... me hit you, you hitting the floor. Whatever fourth dimension y'all're ready, pal.

Bender: [Bender goes to hitting Andrew but Andrew tackles him to the flooring] I don't wanna become into this with you human being.

Andrew: [Andrew lets him go and they both stand] Why non?

Bender: Cause I'd kill you. Information technology's existent simple, I'd kill you and your fucking parents would sue me and it'd be a large mess and I don't care enough about you to carp.

Andrew: [whispers as he turns around] Chickenshit.

[Bender pulls out a switchblade and stabs into a chair]

Andrew: Allow's cease this right now. You don't talk to her... you don't await at her and you don't even call back near her! You empathize me?

John Bender: But face it. You're a neo maxi zoom dweebie, what would you exist doing if you weren't out making yourself a better citizen?

Bender: Are yous a virgin? I'll bet y'all a million dollars that you lot are. Permit'southward end the suspense! Is it gonna be... a white hymeneals?

Claire: Why don't y'all just shut upward?

Bender: Have you lot ever kissed a boy on the mouth?

[Claire doesn't answer]

Bender: Take you ever been felt up? Over the bra, under the blouse, shoes off... hoping to God your parents don't walk in?

Claire: Do you want me to puke?

Bender: Over the panties, no bra, blouse unbuttoned, Calvins in a ball on the front seat, past eleven on a school-nighttime?

Bender: Claire, yous wanna meet a picture of a guy with elephantitis of the basics? It'due south pretty tasty.

Claire: No give thanks you.

Bough: How does he ride a bike?

Bender: Oh Claire, would you lot ever consider dating a guy who looked like this?

Claire: Tin can't you only leave me alone?

Bough: I mean even if he had a prissy personality and a cool car... although you'd probably take to ride in the backseat because his nuts would ride shotgun

Richard Vernon: Don't mess with the bull, fellow. You'll get the horns.

Andrew: Yo wastoid, you're not gonna blaze up in here.

Andrew Clark: I'm non a winner because I want to be one. I'm a winner because I've got strength and speed... kinda similar a racehorse. Information technology'south most how involved I am in what'due south happening to me.

Bender: Can you hear this?

[makes a middle finger pointing downwards]

Bender: Want me to turn it up?

[turns his middle finger right side up in his confront]

Brian: Are you gonna be, like, a shopping bag lady? You know, like, sit in alleyways and, like, talk to buildings and wear men'southward shoes and that kinda affair?

Bender: [as Mr. Vernon leaves the library] That man... is a brownie hound.

Andrew: [standing upwardly for Claire after she's been bullied by Bender ane too many times] Allow's stop this correct now. You don't talk to her, you don't wait at her and y'all don't even think near her! Yous sympathize me?

Bender: [nonchalantly] I'one thousand trying to help her.

Bender: Oh, shit! What're nosotros southward'posed to practice if we have to take a piss?

Claire Standish: Delight.

Bough: If you gotta go, you gotta go.

Claire Standish: Oh my god!

Andrew: Hey, you're not urinating in here man!

Bender: Don't talk, don't talk. Information technology makes it crawl back up.

Andrew: You whip information technology out and y'all're dead before the first drop hits the floor.

Bough: You lot're pretty sexy when you become aroused.

John Bender: [to Andrew] Sounds like your begetter and my father should only get together and become bowling.

Richard Vernon: [enters the library before lunchtime] All right, girls, that's 30 minutes for lunch.

Andrew Clark: Here?

Richard Vernon: Here.

Andrew Clark: Well, I recollect the deli would be a more suitable place for us to eat lunch in, sir.

Richard Vernon: [irritably] Well, I don't actually care what y'all call back, Andrew.

John Bender: [raises his hand] Dick, uh, excuse me. Rich, volition milk exist made available to us?

Claire Standish: [to Vernon] I have a depression tolerance for dehydration.

Andrew Clark: I've seen her dehydrate, sir. It's pretty gross.

John Bender: Relax, I'll get information technology.

Richard Vernon: [stops him] Ah-ah-ah! Grab some wood, there, bub. What practice you lot call up, I was born yesterday? You retrieve I'1000 gonna have y'all roaming these halls?

[points to Andrew]

Richard Vernon: Y'all

[Andrew willingly points to Claire, but Vernon points to a spaced-out Allison]

Richard Vernon: and you. Hey!

[snaps fingers and turns to the others]

Richard Vernon: What'southward her name? Wake her upwardly. Wake her upwardly. Hey, come on, missy, on your feet, let's go! This is no balance home.

[Allison stares strangely at Vernon as she stands upwards]

Richard Vernon: There'southward a soft beverage machine in the teacher's lounge. Let'southward go!

[the residue of the kids accept their time giving Andrew and Allison change]

Richard Vernon: Come up on, milkshake your tail plumage, let's go, ante up! Some people don't even get a dejeuner hour. Come on, get a move on!

Claire Standish: [takes out a $20 bill] Excuse me, sir, can you break this?

[Vernon scoffs sarcastically]

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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088847/quotes/qt0475635